How to completely change yourself and how to start a happy life. How to change your life for the better - where to start, advice from psychologists Completely changes

Helpful Hints

You can't change yourself - it's not even worth trying. Yes, at various seminars and self-improvement courses trying to convince you otherwise. But you should not pay attention to them. Why? Yes, because they are all wrong. At least in wording.

You cannot change. And all your attempts to change are nothing more than the attempts of a thirsty person to keep up with his mirage in the hot desert. In general, it's all empty. Therefore, do not try to chase mirages. Better do something else.

But why can't you change? Yes, because the very idea that you need to change, this is a conditional. This is something you need to do in order to feel better. But you may feel worse.

We bring to your attention the most profound analysis of what we mean by the phrase "change yourself". Analysis without deception and false appeals. An analysis that will give you an answer to the main question - how to change your life for the better and why you should not try to change yourself for this?

Changing lives without changing ourselves

Changing yourself and changing something in yourself are two different things.

Yesterday you did not have the opportunity to read this article. Today you will read it. Does this mean you will change? Both answers - yes and no - are correct. But it all depends on what meaning you put in the verb "to change."

Technically speaking, you are always changing and not changing at the same time. It depends how you look at it. Because your conclusion that you have changed or not changed exists only as thoughts in your head.

Someone might decide that "changing yourself" means making a billion dollars. And then you can spend the rest of your life beating yourself up, and blaming himself for not being able to "change". Therefore, this is not the best use of the verb "to change".

Someone else might decide to "change themselves" by not pouring mayonnaise on fried potatoes. In this example, trying to change yourself looks ridiculously simple and quite doable. But does this mean that such a person has changed himself? Of course not.

We are constantly told that in order to improve our lives - you need to change yourself, change something in yourself. The mistake of this formulation of the question lies in the fact that "to change oneself" and "to change something in oneself" are two completely different things. Take that as a basis and let's move on.

What is change?

There is a feeling that this is just an empty play on words: to change yourself or change something in yourself - what's the difference? Not at all. If you think about it, then in the first case we are offered an empty ephemerality, while the second advice is more like a practically feasible task. An example will help you understand this better.

Imagine a person who constantly lies to their friend, therapist, or former life partner, claiming that he finally came to the idea to change himself and this is about to happen. His promises are imaginary and artificial.

And if this person lied before, and then suddenly stopped doing it, does this mean that he has changed? Does this mean that such a person has completely and irrevocably changed? What are the chances he won't start lying again?

And even if that person doesn't lie anymore, what does it matter? Especially for hundreds of people slandered by this man. The main idea is that we do not know what it is to change ourselves, because we do not know who we really are!

For example, if you get up tomorrow morning and don't do what you normally do every morning, does that mean you've changed? Or will you remain the SAME PERSON who is just trying to do things differently?

And here a very important question arises - who can confirm that you have changed? Or have not changed ... And here is the main problem, which is related to using the "change yourself" construct: any change requires the involvement of your personality in this process.

Can a person's personality be changed?

The need to change one's personality is a false path

When you involve yourself in the process of changing your personality, you become truly emotionally attached to something that is not really there. You easily fall into hysterics, start blaming yourself and others for everything, eventually coming to the conclusion that you are an empty place that is worthless in this world.

Another example: promising yourself that you will change and go to the gym every week is one thing. And it's completely different to say to yourself: "It's time to finally change and become the person who goes to the gym every week".

Saying the first thing to yourself is very easy. You want to go to the gym. And you go (or don't go). The second phrase said to yourself implies that in order to go to the gym, you need to completely rethink yourself.

And it raises a storm of emotions. If you succeeded (which, sorry, is unlikely), you get an amazing feeling that you have become a new person. This feeling will be with you exactly as long as you do not feel worthless again and do not want to "change" again.

And if you suddenly fail, you will again punish yourself morally for your incorrigible laziness. And this is precisely the whole problem associated with the fact that you involve your personality in this process.

If (or when) something doesn't work out for you, you start thinking: "Maybe I'm kidding myself? Maybe I'm not fit for sports? Maybe it's not mine? Then why should I even try?"

As you decide that such inconstancy is a characteristic of your character and YOUR PERSONALITY, you begin to evaluate it in terms of your own inability to kick yourself in the ass and go to training.

You start to hate yourself. And then your motivation is to "change yourself", or in general do something in the near future, disappears. On the other hand, if you succeed, you begin to feel an emotional high, losing your sense of yourself for a period of time.

But soon this feeling of uplifting disappears. And then you have another need to determine new "changes" for yourself, which will need to be achieved. And you again begin to engage in self-flagellation of your personality, trying to achieve these changes.

You become a person again "hooked" on the need for personal change– just like how some get hooked on drugs, others get addicted to drinking, and still others become addicted to gambling.

But here's the most important secret for you - there is no such thing as a person fit for sports. There are just people who go to the gym and play sports.

Similarly, there is no such thing as a very "productive" person. There are just people who often spend their time productively. There is not even such a thing as a sympathetic person. It's just that there are people who don't behave like narcissistic egoists.

Changed human behavior

Changing yourself is just making a different choice

Take care of your true identity. When we involve our personality in the processes described above, when we decide that our worth as a person is determined by how we behaved or what events happen to us, we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions.

And when we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions, we act like the last fools. Instead of this we should take a look at our lives, like a long series of sequences of actions and decisions.

And then we will understand that "to change ourselves" means to make a slightly different choice, make a different decision or act differently than usual. Here's another example for you: imagine a person who hates getting up early in the morning. It's not difficult, given the fact that many of us go to bed very late...

Such behavior snowballs into many aspects of such a person's life. Eg, it affects his productivity during the day. Perhaps he often has to sit up at his desk at night.

After that, the next day, this person feels even more tired, being in constant stress. But the next night everything repeats: he is forced to work again at night, going to bed even later than usual.

At the end of the week, such a person feels completely overwhelmed. And then he, to unwind, indulges in all serious, trying to relieve stress by drinking trying to unwind in nightclubs. But this behavior only exhausts him even more - his fatigue will go with him into the next week.

Many of us live this way. At the same time, we manage to do business, build our career. With the help of horse doses of coffee, probably ... It's hard for us. And we, instead of assessing the correctness of such a rhythm, begin to identify our bad habits and our irrational behavior with our personality.

In fact, this behavior becomes part of our personality. And we believe that this is our true identity. And we say to ourselves: "Yes, I am such a person! I can't get up early in the morning, and I can't go to bed on time. I don't need this! Because I can work at night, even all night long!"

And we really can, while we are quite young and full of energy. But as we grow older, we suddenly realize that we can no longer do it the way we could before. There is a problem associated with the realization of a decrease in one's own productivity.

And then, instead of becoming aware of their bad habits, some keep saying to themselves: "I just not built to get up early in the morning" . Or: "I'm just physically not ready to do in the morning what other people usually do".

To think like that is to give up before you try to do anything. We fight ourselves by forcing ourselves to get up early in the morning, go for a run, or make a healthy breakfast. And when we lose this fight, we say to ourselves: "Well, I told / said that the morning is not my time".

And yet, we need to overcome ourselves. And this happens through the understanding that we do not really know ourselves. But that doesn't matter! After all, the most important thing is to understand that doing the right things is right! It is good to wake up early in the morning, start the day with the usual simple things, and eat a healthy breakfast.

To do this, you need to separate your personality from what you do, and just do what you have to do - this is the best course of action. Does this mean that you will feel like you are "made" to wake up early in the morning? Who knows! And who cares more than you?

Abstract your "I" from your decisions, because, most likely, your decisions are not always you. Just ask yourself the following question - is what I want to do good for me? If the answer is yes, then just go ahead and do it.

Didn't you succeed? But do you still think it's good for you? Then do it again! Finally, if at some point it seems to you that this is really not for you, then stop doing it. That's the whole secret.

Change what you do but not yourself

Many of us feel like we are mired in certain bad habits. In fact, we are just emotionally "rooted" to the wrong behavior. Take the smoker: he doesn't just smoke cigarettes. His whole personality is built around smoking.

Smoking changes his social life, his diet and sleep patterns; changes the way he feels about himself and those around him. He becomes a "smoker" for his friends and his family. He builds relationships with cigarettes, so to speak, just like people build relationships with pets or children with their favorite toy.

When someone decides to change himself by giving up cigarettes, he is, in essence, trying to change his own personality - change all your habits, attitudes, views, change the culture of consumption. All that was with him for years. Not surprisingly, few people succeed in quitting smoking.

The secret to quitting smoking (as well as the secret to quitting any other habit) lies only in the realization of the fact that the person in which the smoker has enclosed his mind and called "himself" does not actually exist.

This is just a convention. If you want, the usual facade. And it can be enhanced or destroyed as you wish. Because you are not a smoker. You are a person who only chose smoking.

How to change yourself? If you are asking this question, it means that you are already a very mature person. People are more likely to ask the question of how to change other people or circumstances.

Only an adult and reasonable person understands that any changes in life begin with changes in oneself.

It is truly fortunate to understand that managing the circumstances of your life begins with changing yourself.

How to start changing

We set goals

Changing yourself is a worthy decision. But where to start? Before you change yourself, you need to understand exactly what goals you are striving for. What do you want to see as a result of your changes? After all, you can spend a lot of effort, and then be dissatisfied with the result.

The goals that may require changes are very different, for example:

• Make an amazing career.
• Create a family.
• Find health and beauty.
• Achieve a high position in society.
• Create sources of passive income.

But it must be borne in mind that in order to achieve a particular goal, certain qualities will be required:

• For example, the qualities needed to create a family for a woman: kindness, tenderness, desire to take care of children, meekness, obedience, fidelity, devotion. And if a girl sets herself the goal of creating a family, then it will be beneficial for her to change and develop precisely these qualities.
• If the goal is to build a career, other qualities will be needed, such as determination, assertiveness, determination, strength.
• Of course, you can develop all the qualities in yourself a little bit with an indefinite purpose. But with this approach, attempts to change are likely to quickly come to a standstill. Since actions in the absence of a goal do not bring much satisfaction, therefore it is lost to move on.

Therefore, it is very important, before you start to change, to set a goal. Just “I want to change” is not enough to transform yourself. Change starts with choosing a goal. This is the answer to the question: “Where to start transforming yourself?”

Finding role models

The next step in changing yourself is to find people who have already achieved similar goals.

Knowing the end point you want to get to, you can try to find your own path. But we must understand that such a search takes a long time and very often leads to nothing. Sometimes it's like trying to invent your own script and language.

It is much easier to study the examples of the development of those people who were in a similar situation and were able to change it. It is very important that they be able to overcome it successfully. It is desirable to take an example not one or two.

• BIOGRAPHIES OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

What can be taken as an example? An excellent option - biographies. , in one area or another, sometimes they write books about how they overcame difficulties, how they changed.

Reading biographical books helps to identify personality traits that contributed to the achievement of intended goals through change. Choose books whose authors can confidently say: "I changed myself completely and got decent results."

• PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Sometimes examples can be seen in life. For example, a friend who did not have a personal life for a long time, but then she changed herself and found family happiness.

Or a colleague who at first held a minor position, but then. Watch people succeed in getting what they want. Point out their qualities, feel free to ask for advice.

• LECTURES, TRAININGS

Listening to lectures and attending trainings is also a good option to meet the right people. Sometimes the leader of such trainings is a successful person who is ready to share his experience on how to change. And in the past has gone through great changes.

• PSYCHOLOGICAL LITERATURE

Reading helps you change yourself. However, not all books will be useful.

Therefore, study the reviews and try to learn as much as possible about the life of the author. Not all authors of psychological literature deserve to be an example of how to change.

• RELIGION

If faith is not unacceptable to you, then you can read or listen to lectures of clergymen. Among them are often people who have the knowledge of how to change completely and are good role models.

Learning from someone else's experience

The next step in self-improvement will be to study the experiences of people who have been able to change the course of their lives. By studying their experience, you can systematize it and understand how to change in order to become like them and achieve goals.

Read books, attend trainings, study biographies, collect as much information as possible from other people's experiences on how to change yourself.

Do not rush into the pool with your head. At first, some things may not be understood. That is, there will be no understanding of why this or that thing needs to be done, how to apply it and why it is needed. Do not write off, gradually introduce into your life what is close and understandable.

• For example, if you decide to become a person leading, then starting it right away on Monday, by Tuesday of the next week there is a big chance to quit it.
• Why? Because with the advent of the thought “I want to change,” a person rushes to change everything at once. That is, a newly minted follower of a healthy lifestyle begins to get up at 6 in the morning, do exercises, eat vegetables and fruits, instead of the usual dumplings, quit smoking and skip drinking alcohol at the next birthday.
• As a result, after a few days or weeks, this lifestyle becomes unbearable. The person returns to his old habits. Question: How to change? now he cares much less, there is a feeling of disgust for the changes.
• Studying someone else's experience, join it gradually, with understanding. If you are going to get up early, get up 30 minutes earlier tomorrow. Three or four days later for another 10 minutes. Gradually bring the rise time to the desired. It should become a habit, not a violence against oneself. And before doing something, it is very important to understand why you need it.

Where to look for support and how to stay motivated

When deciding how to change yourself, it is very important to remember that motivation and a strong desire to change are essential companions of progress.

Naturally, the desire to change will rise and fall over time. Sooner or later, the first fuse will pass, motivation will begin to decrease. There will definitely be situations on the path of change when it seems that there is no progress.

There will be situations when it seems that the changes are going completely in the wrong direction, that they do not bring you closer to your goals. Sometimes there may be a strong desire to give up everything and return to what it was.

But remember to say the phrase: "I changed myself completely, I succeeded!" only those who nevertheless reached the end, those who coped with all the difficulties, experienced difficult moments and those who did not give up, can do it.

To cope with difficult situations that arise along the path of change, create conditions for yourself that help you not to quit what you started. What are these conditions?

The right attitude to failure

There will undoubtedly be successes and failures in the process of change. It's important to deal with failure the right way. You don't have to beat yourself up for every mistake.

Failure is good too. Because it provides food for thought and analysis. It helps you understand your mistakes and not make them in the future.

If you are not mistaken, then you most likely do not study. Each miss is fraught with an equal or even greater opportunity. Learn to see opportunities and lessons in failure.

Environment for change

Without a good environment that shares your goals, it will be impossible to change. There are no people who never have doubts. There are very few people who can resist the pressure of others for a long time. In order to survive periods of doubt, rejection of society, it is necessary to have the support of like-minded people.

It doesn't have to be many, but there should be at least one. Since it is the support of someone who shares your aspirations and beliefs that can change everything.

Change progress tracking

• Motivation is lost due to the inability to feel progress. The solution in this case will be - a diary or any other way of fixing the current state.
• Go back from time to time to old records about yourself to see that changes are still taking place.

Possible obstacles

Often a person who declares: “I want to change” and starts moving in this direction is perceived by others with hostility.

Do not worry, with the question: "How to change if others do not support me?" each one that decides to go its own way, to change and develop, faces.

Environment that hinders change

For example, someone in the company has stopped drinking and is no longer drinking alcohol. Usually such statements cause a strong reaction. Because you can't just stop drinking. This requires a very good reason, for example, illness or pregnancy. Otherwise it is impossible.

People around you are usually afraid of change, they do not share your desire to change. Perhaps, if you stick to your path and achieve good results, over time these same people will ask themselves how to change themselves.

But for now, they will most likely react negatively or warily.

Personality traits that prevent change

In addition to people, character traits such as laziness, fear, and indecision hinder changes. Old favorite habits also slow down progress:

• For example, a person takes care of his health, masters healthy nutrition, physical exercises. But then laziness and old habits begin their attack. Eat delicious in the evening, skip a workout.
• Drive such desires away. Create conditions in which bad habits and character traits will be difficult to manifest. Then, over time, you will happily say, “I have completely changed myself.”

At one fine moment in my life, I realized that something was missing in me: it seems that you live, but something is not right and wrong. I looked at myself from the outside and in the mirror, went through one strong training on my own, read a couple of developing books. I made disappointing conclusions that I have a bunch of bad habits, I hardly devote time to my health, I'm not popular with girls, my level of disorganization goes off scale, and besides, I often get away from solving complex life tasks.

It doesn't matter how many days are in your life, what matters is how much life is in your days!

Sport

It all starts with its implementation in your life. We start with basic exercises, but they must be performed every day. These are simple exercises: squats, on the press (raising the torso), push-ups. It all starts with a repetition of 5 times and every day increases by 1 time, you can perform two visits per day. In a month, you will squat 35 times, do ab exercises 35 times, and do push-ups 35 times. Then you can increase the number of repetitions as needed, but be sure to do it every day.

Each person needs to find his own sport, and you should not be led by fashion: everyone runs, which means running, everyone does yoga, which means yoga. Look for your sport that will suit you completely: loads, interest, time, financial component, people. It should be an extension of your essence.

I tried for a year, gym, boxing, running, jiu-jitsu, aikido, cycling. At the same time, he was engaged in several types for several months. It was a great time, because it was an absolute benefit for my health, and I also understood more and more what exactly I want from sports.

My choice fell on jiu-jitsu and swimming is the basis of my sports development. Now this is for life, because the pleasure that I get in the classroom is difficult to put into words, and my success in this field only reinforces this conviction.

Books

You will have to read a lot. An excellent result is 40–50 books per year. I have read 42 books and I understand that 50 books a year is realistic. The main thing is to read without stopping. And, of course, do not watch TV and do not stay too long on social networks.

Read only to develop your mind: psychology, Russian and foreign classics, self-development, finance - no tabloid or entertaining books.

Outline the essence of what you read, what impressed or disliked the book, memorize quotes. So you train your memory and you can always surprise your interlocutors with smart sayings from books.

Ayn Rand's book Atlas Shrugged greatly influenced me with its fundamental nature and strong dialogues, as well as situations similar to events from my life.

My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in one axiom: reality exists in one choice - to live. Everything else flows from here. To live, a person must consider three things as the highest and decisive values: Reason, Purpose, Self-Respect. Reason as the only tool of knowledge, Goal as the choice of happiness, which this tool should achieve, Self-respect as an indestructible confidence that he is able to think and his personality is worthy of happiness, which means worthy of life. These three values ​​require all the virtues of man, and all his virtues are connected with the relation of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, purity, honesty, justice, efficiency, pride.

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Discipline

What distinguishes a strong personality from an ordinary person is this. Regardless of your mood, motivation, external circumstances, family relationships, do what is necessary at a given time.

Learn to swim against the current of life circumstances, educate yourself so that the internal state does not depend on what is happening around. It was very hard and not everything worked out right away, as there were breakdowns. But I went forward again and again with the support of loved ones and an inner desire to go this way at all costs.

Where can you start? From the morning ritual. Here is the simplest and most effective method for honing discipline: get up immediately at the wake of the alarm clock, wash your face, turn on the music, do exercises with strength exercises, then - a contrast shower, a healthy breakfast (without fried and sweet) and reading a book (you can on the way to the office) .

So you need to do until you can do it automatically and without forcing yourself. It took me 3 months, sometimes, of course, there were failures, especially after overloaded days. I recommend to anyone who wants to change their lifestyle to develop their own morning ritual.

We must learn to control ourselves: our speech, gait, gaze and gestures. Wherever you are, at home, at work, in the gym, you should radiate confidence and act without too much fuss. Remember the principle of feedback: even if you don’t feel like that, this feeling of confidence and discipline will come.

A very useful exercise for developing inner strength - despite all your natural fears, do not look away from the interlocutor, from people passing by who look into your eyes. Frankly, martial arts helped me in this. But it is also good to look with a warm look, showing that you are benevolent.

To educate myself, I learned to deny myself pleasures: bars, alcohol, sweets, cigarettes, impulsive shopping, idleness, empty talk at work. This may not happen right away, but we need to think about it all the time, work in this direction. And one day I said to myself: “Yes, I haven’t had alcohol for three months and I haven’t eaten sweets for two months.”

I attended sports classes or courses despite my mood, circumstances, weather and my motivation. Set a schedule and stick to it, discard all your favorite excuses. I liked coming to the hall when something was stopping others and when there were like-minded people who were ready to support me in these endeavors.

And most importantly - you need to learn to control yourself when little is working out, and a mess is going on around. Be an island of calm and cold endurance.

Finance

Keep a financial journal. Lead it for a month, second, third and do not stop. And do not just keep it, but analyze every month what goes where, why and how to fix it.

I had big expenses for coffee - 1,300 rubles a month. I realized that it was time to reduce its amount, and now the level of spending on coffee is 600 rubles a month. Coffee is my weakness that I don't want to get rid of.

Many say that a magazine is a useless thing: "I already know how much I spend and earn." And you try to keep it for 1 year with accurate analysis and graphs and you will see the whole picture of your financial literacy or illiteracy.

Keep yourself in financial asceticism, stop buying what you don’t need or is imposed by advertising and acquaintances. Most of our purchases are useless and will not be useful in life, and it is quite easy to do without them.

Find additional income, even if it is small, but it will motivate you to achieve even greater achievements. Let it be an increased workload, additional work (of any format), freelancing, selling unnecessary things, teaching other people. The mistake of the majority - everyone wants a lot of money at the initial stages, but this does not happen. You do not immediately earn a lot at work, and in life everything is gradual.

Relationship

This point is more about men who have not found their soul mate or even do not want to, which I was. If you are alone and have a lot of time, develop the skill of meeting girls. Register on dating sites, meet in cafes and on the street, chat in the gym, ask friends about girls you know.

Try different communication strategies: gentleman, macho, modest, sports guy. Meet girls smarter than you, admit it, conquer them.

In various situations, not everything will work out: wrong words, wrong method, not your person, failures in bed. But you do not stop, it should temper you.

And over time, you will learn to understand the opposite sex, learn how to easily start a conversation, make beautiful compliments. Girls will often reciprocate, they will feel an interesting personality in you. But do not be self-confident, look for the one who will appreciate your qualities "without cuts", and be faithful and faithful to her.

If it's simple - love, suffer, conquer, disperse and start anew. Become the one with whom you want to spend time, with whom you will be comfortable in any situation, be able to understand and listen to the other person. And remember that your significant other can always leave you, so enjoy every moment together.

Skills

Start developing skills you didn't have before, such as breaststroke, typing, contextual planning, emergency driving. Master them, find a mentor on the topic, get training. Such achievements develop the personality, make it multifaceted.

You will also learn how to deliberately step out of your comfort zone and overcome fear, which will later become your driving force. All great achievements begin with small victories over yourself.

In the past 12 months, I have been doing things I have never done before: heavy weight training, meditation, training with children, training, austerity.

Spirituality

Define your values ​​in life, create internal and social rules for yourself, find your "I".

Finally, find the answer to the eternal question: “Why am I here? What is my mission?

How? Ask yourself important questions, do not look at other people who are drifting like a boat in the ocean, become a guide for yourself and others. Read spiritual books, visit spiritual places and, finally, create your own picture of the world order. This is very important, so you will become steadfast and you will have your own faith. Not the one that is shown in the media, but its own inner one.

Most people are afraid to ask themselves difficult questions and close themselves with materialism, like I did in my time, but this is a dead end branch of development. Things and household fuss cannot be closed, they will not give you the happiness that you will feel when you find something important inside that will lead you further.

Good Habits

As you get rid of bad habits and change structurally, you will need other habits - and it is better that they are useful.

For example, if you talk a lot, learn to be silent and listen to the interlocutor, even when your tongue is itching - be silent.

If you eat a lot of sweets, replace it with nuts or dried fruits, do not eat so much chocolate and cookies, drinking sweet tea.

Books are a great rescue from TV and Internet addiction. It's just that the brain doesn't want to "thin" anymore.

If you have nothing planned and everything happens just like that, start a notebook, write down all your tasks for the day, week, month. Write down the thoughts that come to you, fresh ideas, describe events and people. Keep track and analyze your life.

If you smoke, quit and immediately hit a sport, preferably one where the lungs work the most to expel all the resins from yourself.

Algorithm for structural change in 12 months

• Sports load every day. Decide on your sport for a long time, do it, no matter what, for a whole year.
• Read a lot of books, 3-4 per month. Write down a summary of what you read.
• Develop discipline. Deny yourself pleasure. Stay calm when it's stormy. Try to deny yourself something every month.
• Develop financial literacy. Keep a financial journal and find extra income throughout the year.
• If you are single - look for your soul mate and develop the skill of seduction. If you are not alone, fall in love again with your chosen one.
• Learn new skills you didn't know before. Desirable - 1 skill in 2 months.
• Find an answer for what you are here for, even an approximate one - it will already be good. Spend as much time on this as you see fit.
• Get good habits instead of bad ones. This is everyday work.

Victory over yourself is the true success in life.

Change is difficult, but possible. The main thing is to want to set yourself interesting (and not so) goals and achieve them, no matter what. Everything will not work right away, there will be misfires, breakdowns, but the movement vector must be maintained, and you will definitely break through the barrier of your weakness.

If you think that this requires motivation or money, you are mistaken: you only need one pure desire to become better than you are, and time, which is already so small in our lives. But remember, there is no limit to perfection, this is a constant work on yourself, and it continues until the end of your days. A developed personality lives much happier than those who are weak in front of themselves and recede before life circumstances.

Realizing that you are not living the way you would like can lead to a sense of impasse and disappointment in yourself. Although it is not easy to change yourself, this work is worth the effort. You can change if you come up with a plan and stick to it. If you are ready to make significant changes, first determine how you would like to see your life and what you need to change. Then start the process of change with a couple of small actions and set new goals that will help you become a better person. Control your actions and stay motivated to make following the plan easier.

Steps

How to evaluate your life

Figure out how you imagine your ideal life. If you want to completely change, you may feel that your life is not developing the way you would like. To become the best version of yourself, it is important to understand how you want to see your life. Think about your ideal job or school, how you want to spend your days, and how you want to appear to other people.

• For example, you may decide that you want to be a teacher in order to work with children. In your free time, you want to help others, do things with your own hands, and connect with your family. Suppose you want people to perceive you as a good-natured and hard-working person.

1. make a list habits and actions that are bothering you. You will need to replace bad habits with good ones if you want to make major changes. Determine what habits are keeping you from having the life you want. Think about what activities are causing you problems. Make a list of these habits and activities so you can work on them later.

   • Let's say you find out that your habit of eating out on the weekends is preventing you from collecting money for your hobbies and eating right.
   • Or you may find that you don't let go of your phone and it takes up all your free time.

2. Determine what triggers the behavior you want to change. Getting rid of a bad habit is not easy, but if you know what provokes this bad habit, it will be easier for you to fight it. If you feel like you want to do something harmful, write down what happened to you before. Something may have been the precipitating factor, and if you avoid repeating this situation, it will be easier for you to change something.

   • Suppose you are trying to give up junk food. The next time you feel like eating a bag of chips, think about what happened before you had that craving. You may realize that you are craving junk food when you are nervous. Managing stress will help you avoid junk food cravings.

   How to make big changes

   1. Invest in yourself to help you understand your worth. You deserve to feel good, so spend the money on yourself. Change your hair, buy new clothes to make it easier for you to get started. If you use decorative cosmetics, learn how to do makeup in a new way.

      • If you have the opportunity, get a new haircut at the salon and buy a couple of new things.
      • If you don't have much money, go to a second-hand clothing store or buy a few items on sale. You can also invite friends or girlfriends to exchange clothes that you do not need.

   2. Change the surrounding space to tune in to the new one. Changes in the environment will help you change the way you think and see new opportunities ahead of you. First, get rid of the rubble and trash at home and at work. Then rearrange the furniture and other things to make the rooms look new. If possible, buy something new that reminds you that you are trying to change your life.

      • Even small changes can make a big difference, so don't worry if you can't redo the entire space. Perhaps a small plant in a pot or a motivational poster will be enough to make you feel new.
      • If you have such an opportunity, change everything around you so that your life begins to seem new to you. Replace the paintings on the walls, buy new linens and towels, replace old or broken furniture.

      Advice: arrange the space around you so that it begins to correspond to your ideal life. For example, if you want to study or write more, place your desk in the most visible spot in the room. If you want to start cooking every day, move pots and pans to a prominent place.

      Talk to yourself in a positive way to motivate yourself. Your attitude towards yourself can either help you or destroy all your endeavors, so it is important to learn to treat yourself positively. Monitor your thoughts to notice negative trends in time. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, challenge those thoughts and replace them with something neutral or positive. Come up with positive affirmations for yourself that you can repeat throughout the day.

      • Let's say you think you can't do anything. Tell yourself this: "This can't be true, because I'm good at singing, drawing and baking pies." Then replace the original thought with the following: “I can do a lot, but it’s impossible to know everything.”
      • You can use the following positive affirmations for self-motivation: “I am great”, “I can achieve everything with hard work”, “I am becoming the best version of myself”.

   3. Try something new to push yourself out of your comfort zone. If you're going to make a difference, you need to learn how to get out of your comfort zone in order to grow. The best thing to do is start trying something new. Make a list of what you've always wanted to try and start crossing things off.

      • The list might include things like "go to a Thai restaurant", "go skydiving", "take an art class", "apply for an internship", "do volunteer work", "talk to a stranger in a store", "change hairstyle”, “going to work a new way”.

   How to become the best version of yourself

   1. Set realistic measurable goals . Reread the description of your ideal life that you wrote earlier and identify 1-3 goals that will allow you to achieve what you want. Make sure your goals are small and easily measurable. Set specific goals to make it easier for you to track your progress.

      • For example, the goal to move more is poorly worded because it is neither specific nor measurable. It’s better to formulate the goal like this: “exercise 30 minutes every day.”

   2. Pick up new habits to help you reach your goals. Make a list of good habits that will allow you to achieve what you want. Then think about how you can make them part of your life. Set aside time for new habits to get started on your journey towards your goals.

      • Let's say you have a goal to achieve a healthy weight. Your new habits can be exercising every day and eating right. To make it easier for you to do what you want to do, set aside time to exercise and prepare healthy meals.

   3. Spend less time on unimportant things so that you have time for what really matters. Each person has a limited amount of time, so after the emergence of new goals, you may feel that you simply cannot do everything. To find time to work on new goals, it's important to identify what activities aren't making your life better. Replace these activities with more important things and new habits.

      • Suppose you usually play games on your smartphone during your lunch break. Use this time to exercise.

   4. Surround yourself with growth-oriented people who will motivate you. The environment can have a significant impact on a person's motivation and behavior. Spend more time with people who strive to be successful and do things that make them happier. This fellowship will help you motivate yourself to make significant changes in your life.

      • Attend events for people who share your goals or interests. You will surely find new friends there.
      • Do not worry about the need to exclude some people from your life. If you spend more time with people who are focused on growth, you will naturally begin to avoid the company of acquaintances who can be a bad influence on you.

   5. Keep track of what you managed to do on the way to new goals and habits, every day. Write down every effort you make towards your goal, and celebrate any achievement, no matter how small. Think about the process, not about the future result. This will allow you to stay motivated and not give up halfway through.

      • Every day, write down what you did today to achieve your goal.
      • When you hit a small milestone, celebrate it and congratulate yourself on progress towards your goal.

   How not to deviate from the plan

   1. Find yourself a partner with whom you can work together towards your goals. It will be easier to stay motivated if there is a person nearby with the same tasks as you. Ask someone with similar goals or someone you trust to be your partner. Talk to your partner about progress at least once a week so you don't forget why you're doing it.

      • If your goal allows it, you can invite your partner to do something related to achieving the goal with you.

      Advice: if you have multiple goals, consider reaching out to multiple people to maintain accountability. For example, ask a friend to play sports with you, a roommate to keep track of what you spend your free time on, and a colleague to monitor your progress at work.

   2. Get rid of the distractions that prevent you from devoting all your time to important activities. The TV and phone can be a big distraction, so don't let them get in your way. If something is preventing you from sticking to new habits, cut that distraction out of your life or limit it. This will allow you to move towards your goals.

      • For example, install an application that would restrict the use of social networks on your computer and phone.
      • You can turn off the TV to avoid the temptation to watch it.

   3. Review your progress once a week. Analysis of what you have done will allow you to understand what you are doing right and what is not. This will give you the opportunity to adjust your behavior and achieve your goal. Set aside time each week to reflect on what you've done this week and think about new steps for next week.

      • For example, you can write down how much time you spent working on your goals and what activities were useless. Then decide how best to manage your time in the future.

   4. Reward yourself for positive changes. Treat yourself to something to celebrate success. It could be a special sticker, a favorite food, or a small item you've been wanting to buy for a long time. Reward yourself regularly to keep yourself motivated towards your big goal.

      • As a reward for small changes, you can put a sticker on your calendar every time you do something in your new healthy habits or work towards your goals.
      • For more significant achievements, buy yourself something nice - like your favorite coffee or an unusual bath bomb.
      • When you reach an important point or goal, reward yourself with a new pair of shoes or a visit to the spa.

There comes a time when you get tired of putting up with your laziness, weaknesses, stupidity! I want to take and become a new person who does not complain, fulfills the promise and strives for the best. How to change yourself drastically and be ready to always grow to a new maximum? How to live a free and joyful life? Why are the questions “what can I do” and “how can I be successful” so important? What is success? From this moment begins a complete reset of the way of thinking. It is enough to read the article, and you will begin the first steps towards success with the greatest dedication.

How can you change yourself?

When does a new stage of life begin? With the advent of cardinal changes that crowd out old habits. How does this happen? The desire to change oneself arises when life fundamentally ceases to suit a person. The readiness to grow to a new level, and experience your own, does not come to many. Everyone needs time to fully realize the value of their own life. Some may need a personal one that will give motivational kicks. Some themselves tread the road to the top of their personal Everest.

How to change yourself for the better when no emotional breakthrough? You need to feel an urgent need for a cherished goal, otherwise the decision will not be made. It is important to apply the rule: "After the cessation of internal experiences, it is important not to calm down and follow the chosen scenario towards a new goal." What is the point? Make a final decision and change yourself comprehensively, without arranging the dramaturgy of “oh, what can I do?”, “I can’t”, “I won’t succeed”!

How to change yourself for the better?

Before looking at the steps of How to Change Yourself Completely, let's take an example of a life situation in which millions of people find themselves. It demonstrates the ability of a person to adapt to any situation and not stop on the way to a better life.

The girl's life was going downhill - at that time she did not work yet, had a 2-year-old daughter, and life flowed on her husband's small patch. Gradually, the marriage went to complete collapse due to constant scandals, reproaches, distrust. In the situation, the girl lost many friends and colleagues, and her status as a housewife aggravated the picture of the world. The last straw was the husband's periodic campaigns "to the left." In the wake of an emotional explosion, she makes a sober decision - a divorce. Tomorrow the husband became the former, and his things scattered with him through the front door.

According to her, she drew strength from the thought of a brighter future. It is important that the girl did not waste her free minute on empty deeds. She managed to combine home, work, raising her daughter and also studying literature on motivation. Soon she had not even a trace of debt. In the wake of a surge of internal energy, she restored former ties with friends and met many open people.

How to change yourself when everything seems to fall into place? Feel the need to move even higher! After such a turning point, the girl began to feel depressed. A chain of shocks, searches led her to a new stage of life. For more than 7 years she has not worked for her boss, has been working remotely on the Internet, and constantly travels.

She said: “Having known disappointment, stress, complete collapse, never give up. through a strong push in personal growth. Life will never be the same, it will only fill in all the missing puzzles.” Everyone in life happens situations from which you want to close yourself and not go out into the light. You should never do that! No matter how difficult a person's biography is, his desire to get out of the barbed wire remains true.

1. Change the way you think.

“Change the direction of thoughts - change your life beyond recognition!” - with such a motto, you need to enter a new stage in your history. To realize that habits, situations are hidden in thoughts, not everyone can. Some people see the world around them in gloomy colors, while others see the meaning of their existence and do not whine about trifles. Thoughts in the head build an attitude to the situation, and the situation makes a person stand or move.

2. Start reading a lot of useful literature.

Yes! Read books about personal growth, autobiographies of cult personalities, and not look at glossy magazines and solve crossword puzzles. and yourself when the mind simply degrades? Set aside time for one book once a week. Over time, the personal collection will be filled, and the amount of knowledge will develop into new achievements. It is important to draw information selectively - not everything fits a specific situation in life. It is important to work on literature in detail, finding secrets to resolve a dispute, a psychological barrier, or another exciting moment.

3. Get rid of bad habits.

4. Invest in your future.

How to change yourself for the better financially? Learn how to properly manage your money. The scheme of effective redistribution of money was described in his books by Robert Kiyosaki. In order to quickly save up for the purchase of real estate, a car, education, it is worth setting aside only 10% of total income. This golden rule solves the age-old problem with money. The habit of spending everything and not caring about the future lives in many.

Investing in yourself is the best investment in a secure future. You should not save money on trainings, self-education, literature. Personality is the most working asset. Knowledge is always highly valued, and the ability to win is priceless!

5. Don't procrastinate.

Emergency care cannot wait even an extra minute when a person's health is at stake. Such an example works in practice when we think about irrevocably improving the way of life. How to change yourself if you put off important things in a distant box? Nothing will come of it! The habit (again about them) to give up and make tomorrow never works! Here, and is important. You can try the "carrot and stick" rule. If you do important things first, and even better, do them in a short time - you can go to the cinema to see your favorite movie. If you go shopping, and then in a hurry to do the task - a week without walking with friends. It really works!

6. Expand your horizons and communicate with successful people.

A person's behavior, his thinking and character depend on the environment. What is in the head and is reflected in reality is the merit of the people around. One who constantly associates with whiners, evil ones, has little chance of succeeding. How to change yourself for the better with successful people? It is worth limiting the influence of "harmful" people, as soon as the ability to think soberly comes. Acquaintance with interesting personalities who are more successful on several levels? This is the secret of many aspiring entrepreneurs, lecturers.

7. Positive thinking is the basis of development.

Under the pressure of general pessimism, fear of any changes, the absence of starting everything at all is born! You can change yourself in a positive way if you do not perceive the world negatively. The rule is “easier than simple” and it works with incredible power!

You are great fellows for reading the article! How to change yourself? Start to take control of the situation and act despite the obstacles. Are you satisfied with your life? If the article was helpful, please share it with your friends on social media. networks! Thanks for support!